“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth.” John 16:13
I sat with my Bible and my journal, eager to spend some time with the Lord. Well, that’s what I told myself anyway. I really just wanted to feel better.
“Here I am Lord,” I wrote. Worship music filtered through my headphones while my pen scratched out the words. A song began to invade my thoughts and my mind tuned to the lyrics, “All we need is you.” Instantly, conviction pierced my heart with the unsettling knowledge that I didn’t agree. At least not today. Today I needed more than Jesus. I needed Him to fix things.
I felt compelled to confess. “I’m sorry Lord. I want you to be enough, but this is too much . . . ”
A jagged scar from an old wound had just been torn open. The familiar longing for acceptance tugged at my heart and cried out for satisfaction. Rejection had found me again. But this time, it had come for my son.
That changes things. I can handle the battle when I’m at the heart of it. I’ve learned to trust God’s plans for me even when I can’t make sense of them. But it’s different for my kids. I can’t be expected to idly watch one of my precious ones suffer.
And then the Spirit lifted the veil so I could see. Realization dawned, penetrating my grief with this truth. God knew. He understood rejection. He understood the pain of seeing His Son cast aside. Of wanting the world to recognize His great value, yet seeing it deny Him.
“He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.” John 1:11
Today, I knew His suffering. I felt His pain. How the Father must have wept when they rejected Jesus. How He still must weep as we repeatedly devalue His only begotten Son. The Son He loves. The Son He gave.
I asked God to speak . . . to help me trust Him with my own son’s fragile heart . . . to know that His plans for Him are far greater than my own.
And once again, the Spirit reminded me of truth. God never allows suffering for its own sake. Suffering, dear one, is the path to glory.
“But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:13
God has glory to reveal in the life of my son.
I sat in the stillness, pen in hand, and listened, inviting the Spirit to show me my son’s truth. Soon my hand was moving once more across the page.
He is mine, beloved. Just as you are mine. I AM greater than his pain . . . than your pain. You will soon see.
A promise. I thought of Abraham, and how fearful he must have felt as he placed his son, Isaac, upon that altar. I imagine he lifted him there with trembling hands and a breaking heart. But place him there, he did. And Isaac received the blessing of his father’s promise.
God has spoken blessings over my son as well. I will not withhold him from the God who loves him even more than I do. I lift him to the Father with open hands so that he may receive His promise. How thankful I am for the Spirit of Truth.
“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” John 16:13